February Review : Life is not a Movie

Hey readers, It has been a very long time since I posted anything on my website or Youtube. It all had to do with what happened in the past month that I've been living in Madrid. At the end of January, I met a lot of new people and although it has been amazing, people can lose contact with each other very quickly, it also takes one person to make you feel comfortable for you to trust them and have your guard down. Now, I am not going to go on about how I trusted someone that I shouldn't because that is not what this new post is about. It is actually about what I learn and all the feelings I felt in that transforming month. February open up new door to knew friendships to me, I got to explore them a lot, for the first time in a long time, I felt free and felt like I could do anything, however, the busier I got, I stoped blogging and vlogging, and that started to make me feel lazy and honestly, a little bit unhappy but at the time I felt a bit lost, but I decided to go with the flow for this season, explore a side of my self that was, lets say "unexpected", "new". However, as I got home at the end of the day it's was like my thoughts had a mind of their own, I began overthinking a lot of things and because I thought it was nothing I tried to ignore those thoughts, so I would stop overthinking about things that weren't there, again, at the time it was all very confusing and I didn't know why my mind was overflowing with random thoughts about meanings of life. I understand why now, and it was because my brain wasn't getting enough sleep/rest, I say this because I would go out, party meet new people and yes that sounds great, but I would get home God knows what time and sleep until 2 o'clock in that day, If that! If I made plans to meet with someone else in the next day, I would have to wake up early to meet them, so we could go sightseeing. I was exhausting my self. When Monday hit me in the face, I was too tired to keep up with my goals and schedules and because hugging out with my friends made me happy, being on my own made me feel worthless and lazy like I had no meaning of life. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? However, I came to this realisation. God surrounded me with friends that understand me and who give me great advice. When I got those sad moments, I would get a bit angry at God because when I would go out I would pray for my safety, being surrounded, my good hearted people, "if its meant to be for me to let it be" and "for what is wrong to be taken away from me", and thank God, God was with me every time I would leave the house but I started to be scared of coming home, because I would see an empty blog, no vlogs, no productive or motivation and then I would ask my self and ask God "aren't you with me?", that's where I found myself being a bit angry at God because I was praying, especially for the people around me. By the end of February, I was getting to a point, where I would say "what was is all for?". Once more I was overthinking and felt like questions weren't answered, but then I prayed again in my room, not walking somewhere to meet someone or being distracted by anything, just me in my room, talking to God, with a written list of people and situations to be prayed for. After an hour of prayer, I felt much better and happy but a couple hours, but later my thoughts were loud and my mind was on overload again. Why? I was trying so hard to just stop thinking, but then I also realised that I was being unfair to my mind and being honest about what was bothering me, so I just decided to take action. I first reached out to someone about it, then I prayed about the situation again and took my time to let my thoughts go one by one, not pressuring myself to move on. Finally, realise I need to sleep and as much as I wanna have fun and go out, I need to take a break and also take my time to get back into a routine. I know now, that God is with me once more and he was telling me that I need to let go of things that I don't understand and to stop beating my self for not understanding because there is a much bigger plan out there. Everything does happen for a reason and I believe it is time for me to trust it, trust God and trust my self because no one knows me better than me and God. Overall of this month, I went down on a pit of bad thoughts caused by certain situations around me and I am glad those situations did because I learned from them and I am really thankful for it. When I asked God for this gap year, was for me to have a break from my busy, stressed life, and for me to go out and see who I am, I guess I didn't think I would get down moments and I guess I beat my self up over it, I need to let go of it too and just take it easy on myself. I know I deserve all good because of thats what I always wish upon everyone. I hope you readers had a wonderful February because even though I had down moments, the other moments were like I was part of a wonderful life movie, which I loved spending every moment of it "filming". My host Family is still wonderful and an amazing and I am so thankful for them and I can say I do feel like I gain another family, I feel so blessed. On that note, It is time for me to start my blogging and vlogging again.

If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask in the comments, plus letting me know how you feel about this topic. Also, let me know if you enjoyed this blog and what other things you would like me to write about.

Don't forget to follow me on any social media to keep in touch and stay tuned for new vlogs next week.

Love Maria x

Social:

Twitter- @MitaZzS

Tumblr- https://mitazzs.tumblr.com/

Instagram- @mitazz16

Snapchat - mitazz16

Pinterest- mitazzs