My double life (April Review)

Hey readers, Long time no read this review is a bit late. I am back to the UK now, getting paperwork ready for uni, getting accommodation sorted but also getting things ready to go to the USA. I'm not going to lie, though I was busy, I had a lot of opportunities to post a new blog update or even post those last vlogs that I edit put haven't posted but everything happens for a reason and let's pray they will be up next week. April has been crazy in Madrid, we got sun, we got rain, we got storms, what I am trying to get at, is that the weather has been constantly changing and act crazy and I with it. I am sure I am not the only one that ever felt like that, where you kinda feel like you're controlling the weather at some point (or might just be me). This month I learned how I can be really balanced with my life choices, but also go from not knowing what to do at all to how awkward I could be (like, I got really awkward this month). I honestly looked at myself in the mirror and remembered all the situations I got myself into and laughed because I kept looking at the person I was before starting this gap year, and the person I am now, and I saw two different people like I had split personality. I had a sweet, innocent, OCD plan-everything Maria, and party-none-stop-having-fun-every-night-don't-care-about-anything Maria, and in between I would have awkward Maria, trying to figure out what I actually want and don't want. Honestly, it feels like I could write a book about my life at some point or even make a comedy movie about my silly awkward life. But, do not get me wrong, I loved every single second of my stay in Spain, through the good and mad, they made me realise what I like and don't like about myself. Although they were awkward moments I wish I could take back and make them simpler for myself, I do believe everything did happen for a reason. Besides my job as an Aup Pair, I went out to parties, I drank alcohol, met different people; I danced and sang until my voice gave up, and although I had fun and went through mood swings where I thought "okay this is not me ", "why would I say that or do that?", "OMG, why did I do that?", I kept surprising myself but then I started to regret a little bit, the things I said or done, but what I began noticing, is that I started to regret the things that don't really matter and are not that bad at all. Looking at it from my religious point of view, what I regret, was not sinful, was a just silly situation and silly moments with other people. When I think about anything else that is qualified has sinful in the bible, I do not regret it at all, and that makes me want to feel guilty, for not regretting those moments and situations. I am not going to go into much detail about what those were, but the way I see those situations is that they took a part in building up my personality. They don't define me at all, but they just helped in my growth and did not push me away from God. Once I arrived back to England I began being my old self again but it did not feel right, it felt like I never went to Spain in the first place. I had to talk to my friends that are back in Madrid just to make sure they are real, and all those memories did happen. I guess that's the downside of solo travelling, all the witnesses to my changes and growth are back in Spain. One thing I need to start managing is how my old self and my new self can become one, because they are still old habits I want back and habits I don't and this is applicable to things I want and wanted, along with relationships and people around me and that is the stage I am going through at the moment, managing myself and adapting. Other than that, I miss everyone in Spain and it's definitely an experience I want everyone to have and I cannot wait to be back there. I made friends for life. Overall this month, this experience I loved it and I wouldn't change a thing (I mean I would change the awkward parts) but I know and I can see that everything did happen for a reason and I am still seeing the results and I can say fully that I am happy with were I am and where am going. Still learning, still adjusting and still growing. Now next stop is to the USA, and I cannot wait, I am really nervous but excited at the same time, but definitely ready. Sorry, I haven't been posting constantly or a lot, but soon I will be back to my videos and I am not going to give any excuses and just do it and post it. Let me know what do you think about solo travelling and your points of view on my topics. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask in the comments. Don't forget to follow me on any social media to keep in touch and stay tuned for new vlogs next week.

Love Maria x

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